Meaning, structure and belonging

Researchers at Harvard University followed 5,000 students for over a decade trying to figure out what predicts flourishing later in life—not just grades or income, but what prevents depression, drug use, poor life satisfaction or a loss of sense of purpose. See, the percentage of teens satisfied with themselves (8th–12th grade) has plummeted since 2011. Not good. So, Harvard went looking for answers. What they found surprised everyone, especially Harvard. Kids who did this one thing were found to have: less depression, less drug use, less early sexual activity, more volunteering, more sense of purpose and higher life satisfaction. So, what was the magic pill that created a happier life for the 5,000 young adults? They attended some sort of regular religious service.

The interesting part is that the variable wasn’t belief in a higher power. It was attendance—simply doing something highly repetitive with your family and/or friends. See, people think beliefs change behavior. But often, behavior changes beliefs. What you do every week matters.

See, almost everything is optional today. Optional is great for a while. Then it gets weird. Because humans don’t just need freedom. They need meaning. They need structure. They need belonging. They need to have people who will notice if they don’t show up.

Modern life is comfortable but unstructured, connected but lonely, flexible but meaningless. And the strange thing is—we designed it this way. We removed obligations, like showing up at an office for work. We removed multi-generational communities, like those that existed before everyone away from family. We removed most places where people see the same group of humans every week for years. And now we’re surprised people feel lonely, anxious and like their life lacks meaning. What did we think would happen? I’ve written about this like 400 times, but now we know there is an antidote.

There were other positive attributes that supported the findings. Teens who attended regularly earned higher grades in school—earning A’s at almost twice the rate of non-religious teens. 

Regular attendees are also less likely to lie, cheat or steal. And they’re less likely to do dumb stuff (think: booze, weed, smokes, etc.) that they must hide from their parents. It’s probably obvious, but religious kids believe in a sense of right and wrong moral code. Non-religious kids are more than five times more likely to break the rules for personal gain. See, our lives are shaped by ordinary things done regularly. If you do something every week for ten years, it will shape you. Life’s habits slowly move you toward becoming a different person.

It’s not just about avoiding anxiety and depression. Kids in the study were 18 percent more likely to report high happiness and satisfaction. When my daughter was 13, I would have given up a kidney for an 18 percent improvement in happiness. Kids who attend regularly have a 33 percent lower chance of using drugs and are 30 percent less likely to have sex in high school. Of course, when I was in high school, nobody wanted to have sex with me, so I was safe.

You can live a comfortable life where no one needs you. It sounds great—until you try it. The Harvard study might not be about faith as much as it’s about community. About being somewhere regularly with the same people. About being part of something that isn’t entirely about you. And somehow that system, repeated for years, produces adults who are less depressed, less addicted, more generous and more likely to feel their life has meaning. It surprised the researchers at Harvard. The people who had somewhere to go, people who expected them, a community they saw every week, reminders about how to live, opportunities to help others, and a rhythm to their life—those people end up happier than everyone else.

I’m just a guy sitting in a Waffle House pecking on a laptop writing things I hope you’ll enjoy. You can reach me anytime at [email protected].